Well, tomorrow night is a big bachelorette party at a drag club! Or so I am led to believe! Maybe I'm just being lured out to Virginia so I can be mugged or have my identity stolen or something. :P
Wednesday my office went bowling. I have to use this space now to make a confession, which is about what I ate that day. I keep telling myself I need to get the binge eating under control, I need to "work on that", but I'm not doing anything much about it. I know it's a totally emotional thing and I think my first step needs to be in taking full accountability for it so I'm going to go ahead and list how much I ate there. We had unlimited food at lunch, see, though none of it was great.
I had decided in advance that I was going to be "Vegetarian" so that would limit my options. Not that this, in the end, really changed my intake from the look of things.... the menu was hamburgers/veggie burgers, cheese or pepperoni pizza, french fries, and caesar salad. Dessert was just a tray of cookies and what may or may not have been fudge. Now the good is that I skipped the fries: I had one and found them not to my liking and therefore resistable. I had hoped there would be an option of "naked" salad because I consider caesar to be way up there in the fatty-fat "trick" salad that people eat when they THINK they're being healthy and actually it's really bad for you, so although I did have a plate, I wasn't able to do my oft-repeated "fill up on veggies" trick. I only had one veggie burger, with a bun and some lettuce, tomato, and ketchup.
The bad: my pizza intake was lousy. Not my worst - I recently consumed something like 8 slices of pizza in one day (again at work, over the course of about six hours) - but not great. My plan had initially been "take a lot right away and don't go back for seconds" because I think it's in the going back and forth with just one piece that you start feeling like you're not having as much. Good plan except that I took two pieces, then two more, and then in between bowling sets ended up with a fifth. Taking into account everything ELSE I had on Wednesday that's kind of gross.
The cookies were no cause for celebration either: I believe I had about six (I didn't keep good count) plus three brownie/fudge triangles. Now I refuse to beat myself up and I refuse to dwell on this, in fact I've reminded myself several times that I could have been worse, but I also know I realy need to improve it and telling myself not to feel guilty for what's past and done is a step away from telling myself it was totally okay and not to worry about it at all. So that's why I'm posting about it.
I ate five pieces of pizza, a veggie burger with fixings, caesar salad, and a pile of cookies on Wednesday. Now it looks like an awful lot.
Whew! So any time I do that again I'm going to post about it here so that I have to look at it all together. The problem with buffets and such is just that it's so easy to be bored and go back and eat more. And I DO. Anyway, walking back from the bowling alley (it was only about 2.5 miles from my office and in fact was right near the route that I run on Tuesdays) I thought it over and decided that for the rest of the year I will not eat more than two pieces of pizza in one day. Period, I will not do it. Becuase that's plenty of pizza and it's a totally healthy (as healthy as pizza gets, anyway) amount. Beyond that, well, I'm going to have to just exercise some restraint and if I really have problems I guess I'll have to try and figure out why I feel like I have to eat as much food as possible when a lot is provided, and then how I can change that impulse. :P
For the record on the walk back I did end up running the last mile, despite the fact that I was FULL. But I walked for about a half an hour before I started running and then I decided I had faith in myself and my abilities and I knew I could do one little mile even though I was underhydrated and full of cookies. ;)
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2 comments:
You're definitely right about Caesar salad. Such a massive fat trap, that one. Some salads have more fat and calories than a Big Mac! That just makes me plain ol' angry. I wish healthy choices were a bit more easy, and could be closer to no-brainers than they actually are.
At any rate, I think the most important thing as far as your frustration about eating a bit more than you would have liked is to keep in mind that it's not the end of the world (which you know already) and that you can always balance out bad choices with good ones. I know I have a hard time with this too!
i do too! especially the "bored" thing you mentioned. Going out to dinner with Phil usually means that I get full right away and will want to pack up the rest of my dinner, but then while waiting for him to finish, I pick at my food even though I'm not hungry at all.
Last night I was really good, though (or just really full) and now we have enough leftovers for my lunch and his dinner! Yummy vegan fajitas.
Finally, Emilie is right about balancing bad choices with good, and maybe having guilty binge eating experiences is just part of the process of stopping forever. That food made you feel really bad and now you know you don't want to feel that way again-- plus the 2 slices of pizza rule is a great one (unless it's super thin crust and cheeseless!!)
I'm proud of you!
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